Hello?

Hello? 

Is anybody here?

Oh, I’m sorry.  I didn’t see you behind the displays.

Yes,I would like some assistance. This is the right counter for returns and exchanges isn’t it?

Wonderful.  I wasn’t quite sure. You know how it is.  I’m so used to shopping on line that actually being in a real store is kind of confusing.  But today I wanted  to come in person.  Face to face can be so helpful, don’t you think? Woman to woman.

The problem? Yes, yes.  The problem. Of course.

I’m sure it’ll be very easy to fix. My request is pretty straight forward.  I mean, I’m not really a complainer.  Actually, this is my first time here.  You probably deal with much more complex exchanges every day.  I had an uncle who used to work at a shoe store…..

Yes. I do see there’s a long line.   Sorry.  I’ll get to the point.

 Well, it appears a mistake has been made.  I think I got the wrong wrapping. 

No, no, no.  Not gift wrapping. 

Maybe I’m not explaining this very well.  What I’m trying to say is I didn’t mean wrapping, like paper, but, you know—skin. I think I was given the wrong skin.

That’s right. Skin.  

Could I ask you to lower your voice a bit please?  This is rather personal.

 Thank you.

Here’s the problem.  I never ordered a new skin.  It just sort of arrived. One day I woke up and there it was—or there I was—in it. 

Oh gosh. You’re right. I did forget that I signed on at birth. But, I was so young.  Who knew what it all meant.

Actually the problem isn’t really the surprise part. It’s the contents. Up until now I have been quite happy with what I received.  Even my last skin was fine. Sure, it came with a few wrinkles and spots but I could live with it.  This time around someone must have made a mistake.  Maybe a robot  grabbed a replacement off the wrong shelf.  Surely this isn’t right.

See, it’s kind of loose and baggy. Not very flattering.  It doesn’t feel like me.  I hate to say it, but honestly, it makes me look, and I’m not trying to make a problem here, but I think it makes me look…..well, old.  

What I really want is to exchange this present skin for my previous model, the one I felt comfortable in.

What do you mean, what did I expect? Really! There’s no need to be rude. And could you please lower your voice a little bit.  Like I said, this is rather sensitive.  

Okay, okay.  You’re a busy woman

But I see lots of people with perfectly good skins. That’s all I want.  One that fits well.  It doesn’t have to be like a baby’s butt, but look. See. My neck.  My arms. Everywhere! There’s way too much here. 

And don’t even get me started on the mid-section, front and back.

Alterations are another counter? 

Hmm.  I hadn’t thought of that. Nips and tucks. Probably expensive and don’t always work, you say. Too obvious. 

But what am I do to? All I want is my old skin back.

Excuse me? Did you just say, next?  What about my exchange? What about…..

Sir, could you please stick to your place in line!  I’m still talking to customer service. Don’t try to cut ahead.

What did you just call me? 

Listen, your skin doesn’t look so hot either, grandpa!

And, hey!  Everybody!  Quit pushing.  I know it’s getting near closing time. Hold your horses.  I’m not done yet.

Oh, Miss?

Miss?

Hello?  

Is anyone there?